Wednesday, October 6, 2010

End of an Era - 9/18/10

Regrouping in Denver for Yom Kippur and my niece’s baby naming was a pleasant surprise but came with unexpected feelings. With the arrival of a few out of town family members, we had the chance to see the family and many friends all in three days. Packed with meals of heavy food and feelings of nostalgia we left with full stomachs and fond memories. It was nice to see everyone again, but I didn’t expect to feel sad on such a joyous occasion.

When we started this journey two months ago I was excited to see the country and was so preoccupied with trying to live in this mobile house that I didn’t allow myself to feel the sense of loss of leaving this place. We planned to travel through Colorado this summer, and I always knew that we would be back to Denver this week. I unconsciously deferred my feelings until now. Now that the time is here I feel conflicted between being happy to continue our adventure and sad to leave the place I have always called home. Though my physical home is on wheels and my sense of home is wherever I am with Adam (and Sequoia), the place I will always call home is here in Denver with close family and friends; the people who have known me since I was a child and know me best.

Somehow it is different moving away this time. Our previous moves were temporary; each one precipitated by educational reasons. I felt like we always had the choice to settle back here if we wanted. And we did make that choice to come back but are now forced to make a different one due to medical needs. Knowing how difficult this move has been on us mentally and physically I can not anticipate doing it again to return. Thus, this choice feels final. The heavy burden and weight of this responsibility fell mainly on my shoulders due to Adam’s physical limitations making it unfathomable to think about moving long distance again given how tired I am this time. It is also virtually impossible for Adam to travel by plane anymore with the oxygen needs. So, unless we choose to drive back (which does not seem likely without our house on wheels which we plan to sell at the end of this journey), he will most likely not have a chance to return to Colorado. This somehow adds to the finality of this move.

We will miss everyone from and everything about Denver and can only hope for a smooth transition to the new place we will eventually call home. I hope you each remember us kindly and come visit us often wherever we may land. We love you all and thank you for supporting us through the years.

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